Left Lane . . . MOVE OVER!

Left-lane slowpokes drive you crazy?

The words 'move over' -- even if readable in the rearview mirror -- may not mean much to them, but a ticket might. Some states are cracking down.

By Christopher Solomon

In these days of longer commutes and simmering tempers, nothing seems to set off already-testy motorists like the left-lane camper -- the guy or gal who drives in the passing lane and bars faster drivers from easily passing. Web sites have cropped up to educate other drivers, or to vent. There's a (somewhat painful) YouTube song called "Keep Right."

Even bigwigs get frustrated. Pennsylvania Gov. Edward Rendell, weary of having his limo slowed down by such left-lane pokies, ordered an aide to have the Pennsylvania Turnpike Commission install signs a few years ago reading "Keep Right, Pass Left. It's the Law."

And now some states are cracking down on left-lane campers, both to keep traffic moving and to tamp down the road rage that goes from zero-to-60 faster than ever before.

That's not just a pretext. Last year, a driver was arrested on Interstate 79 outside Pittsburgh after allegedly brandishing a semiautomatic pistol at a driver who was on his tail.

(read the full article at http://articles.moneycentral.msn.com/Insurance/InsureYourCar/left-lane-slowpokes-drive-you-crazy.aspx)

Seriously . . . ? ? ?

So, apparently Janet Nappy is getting ready to accept the office of Homeland Security . . . SERIOUSLY??? The lady who governs the state with an open artery to anyone interested in skipping across the boarder - and does NOTHING about it . . . yeah, lets let HER head up our entire nations security. I might be a mouth-breather, but this is obviously ridiculous.

Well, heres some fun for you - in the video below, 12 people were interviewed extensively regarding some of the decisive issues in the upcoming election (most seemed like they would make a good decision IF THEY WERE PROPERLY INFORMED, or if they took a little more time to inform themselves) . . . heres what they had to say:

Can you imagine if this were Bush or Palin????

Power of Prayer – Miracle

Last night when Ari was doing his standard “I’m losing a lung-coughing-fit” (Ari has had a ridiculous cough the last four months or so – we’ve tried EVERYTHING), I went in to check on him (& Amber – she’s essentially turned his floor into her new cushiony mattress, sleeping in his room every night, prepared to wake every five to 10 minutes to rock him during one of these fits) . . . well, after peeking in, I turned to leave and was struck with the sudden urge, or need, desire??? I don’t know something said, “get on your knees and pray” – which answered my question. It was certainly Jesus. So I knelt in the bathroom and prayed. I felt like I needed (for once) to be faithful, to pray, not for convenience to get it off my chest or fill a square, but to really devote some time to Him. After some conversation, I felt like God was telling me not to worry, that He was taking care of Ari. He old me, “he’s healed!”

So now I was dealing with a bit of joy, but also struggling with the faith part – was he really healed? I kept getting the same answer – “Yes!” I kept praying. After awhile, I asked God what to do next, my knees were getting sore (what, I’m old) and I had to make my NFL picks . . . but it was like Christ was talking back with me and telling me to let that stuff go for now – silly as it may sound, there’s nothing I like more than to crack a cold one and sit in front of the computer at night when everyone is finally asleep and mess with the fantasy football picks – its like my 10-minute getaway. But THIS needed to be my getaway. I’m not going to reap anything in Heaven by kicking everyone’s a$$ in fantasy football.

Well, for the first time in I don’t know how long, Ari pretty much slept through the night. It was pretty remarkable. I woke up in the bathroom, amber hurdling me trying to get to the toilet, “what are you doing?” – “uhh, praying, I’m praying for Ari, I think this worked, he’s healed!”, “Yeah, I’ve been praying for four months.” she said. Needless to say, the feeling I got has been hard to articulate, and I don’t want to ‘let God down’ by not really giving Him credit for what I know He’s done, so . . . Jesus Christ has healed my son. He did it in May of 2007 when he was diagnosed with CAH, and then somehow unexplainably “didn’t have it anymore???” after our visit to the ER, and He did it again. He healed him. Thank You.

Obama's New Office Policies

A really conservative friend sent me this, and no matter how anti-Republican you are, you’ve got to admit it has a pretty funny ring of truth to it…

Notice to All Employees

As of November 5, 2008, when President Obama is officially elected into office, our company will instill a few new policies which are in keeping with his new, inspiring issues of change and fairness:

1. All salespeople will be pooling their sales and bonuses into a common pool that will be divided equally between all of you. This will serve to give those of you who are underachieving a “fair shake.”
2. All low level workers will be pooling their wages, including overtime, into a common pool, dividing it equally amongst yourselves. This will help those who are “too busy for overtime” to reap the rewards from those who have more spare time and can work extra hours.
3. All top management will now be referred to as “the government.” We will not participate in this “pooling” experience because the law doesn’t apply to us.
4. The “government” will give eloquent speeches to all employees every week, encouraging it’s workers to continue to work hard “for the good of all.”
5. The employees will be thrilled with these new policies because it’s “good to spread the wealth.” Those of you who have underachieved will finally get an opportunity; those of you who have worked hard and had success will feel more “patriotic.”
6. The last few people who were hired should clean out their desks. Don’t feel bad, though, because President Obama will give you free healthcare, free handouts, free oil for heating your home, free food stamps, and he’ll let you stay in your home for as long as you want even if you can’t pay your mortgage. If you appeal directly to our democratic congress, you might even get a free flat screen TV and a coupon for free haircuts (shouldn’t all Americans be entitled to nice looking hair?) !!!

If for any reason you are not happy with the new policies, you may want to rethink your vote on November 4th.

Stimulus Package

TAX BREAKDOWN - simple

HOW OUR TAX SYSTEM WORKS

Suppose that every day, ten men go out for beer and
the bill for all ten comes to $100. If they paid their bill the way we
pay our taxes, it would go something like this:

The first four men (the poorest) would pay nothing.
The fifth would pay $1.
The sixth would pay $3.
The seventh would pay $7.
The eighth would pay $12.
The ninth would pay $18.
The tenth man (the richest) would pay $59.

So, that's what they decided to do. The ten men drank in the bar every day and seemed quite happy with the arrangement, until one day, the owner threw them a curve. 'Since you are all such good
customers, he said, 'I'm going to reduce the cost of your daily beer by $20.

Drinks for the ten now cost just $80.

The group still wanted to pay their bill the way we pay our taxes so the first four men were unaffected. They would still drink for free. But what about the other six men - the paying customers?
How could they divide the $20 windfall so that everyone would get his 'fair share?'

They realized that $20 divided by six is $3.33. But if they subtracted that from everybody's share, then the fifth man and the sixth man would each end up being paid to drink his beer. So, the bar owner suggested that it would be fair to reduce each man's bill by roughly the same amount, and he proceeded to work out the amounts each should pay!

And so:

The fifth man, like the first four, now paid nothing (100% savings).
The sixth now paid $2 instead of $3 (33%savings).
The seventh now pay $5 instead of $7 (28%savings).
The eighth now paid $9 instead of $12 (25% savings).
The ninth now paid $14 instead of $18 (22% savings).
The tenth now paid $49 instead of $59 (16% savings).

Each of the six was better off than before. And the first four continued to drink for free. But once outside the restaurant, the men began to compare their savings.

'I only got a dollar out of the $20,'declared the sixth man.

He pointed to the tenth man,' but he got $10!'

'Yeah, that's right,' exclaimed the fifth man. 'I only saved a dollar, too. It's unfair that he got ten times more than I!'

'That's true!!' shouted the seventh man. 'Why should he get $10 back when I got only two? The wealthy get all the breaks!'

'Wait a minute,' yelled the first four men in unison. 'We didn't get anything at all. The system exploits the poor!'

The nine men surrounded the tenth and beat him up.

The next night the tenth man didn't show up for drinks, so the nine sat down and had beers without him. But when it came time to pay the bill, they discovered something important .

They didn't have enough money between all of them for even half of the bill!

So What Is It????

When Baraaaak first mentioned his financial savior campaign in a debate with Senor McCain, he said he was gonna cut 95% of everyone's taxes. "If you make $250,000 or less, I will cut your taxes." - BO. Soooo, what does it mean if the actual data indicates that the top 5% make $160,000 & more . . . where are his figures coming from? Lets just forget that FACT for now (something I' sure he's like us all to do), and focus on what he said 10 days ago, "If you make $200,000 or less, I will cut your taxes." - BO. Wait a minute . . . hey now, didn't you say . . . ok, well lets hear what his running mate said today, "No one will get a tax increase that makes $150,000 or more." - JB. Wow. If we vote these liars in, I suppose we deserve what we'll get - socialization.

WHY?

Why would the Los Angeles Times hide an Obama tape (for 6 months), or any information for that matter . . . when they are more than happy to air-out anything coming from a different perspective (ie – the Schwarzenegger vote). And if you don’t think the LA Times has a ‘perspective’, you’re wrong. It’s also amusing how they will print things that counter their opinions with absolutely no hint of evidence, but when something like this pops up, they suddenly gain some sort of integrity? Absurd.

I also want to know where BO is planning on earning the $430 billion? If he is only going to hike taxes on the top 5%, or the people making $250,000 or less . . . wait, err, $200,000, I mean $167,000 or less, that would create approximately $30 billion . . . umm, there’s $400 billion left, over 13 times MORE than the amount from where he claims will be the ONLY place he will raise taxes . . . seriously, you think he WONT raise your taxes?

Also, why is Joe Wurzelbacher, a.k.a. "Joe the Plumber", under such scrutiny now? His records have been blasted over the airways along with virtually every other article of personal; business he has – all because he stumped this imbecile running for president on a very uncomplicated and typical question? Now I have to know about his child support status? I think it’s also laughable that democratic congress members like Cavuto murdered Joe cause he had an opinion on Israel. Apparently it absolutely out of our jurisdiction as non-political members of the United States to form an opinion on anything . . . I didn’t hear them jump up and down when Oprah told us her opinion on Jesus, or Michael Moorer on the healthcare system, gun control or how we treat murdering terrorists? Funny thing is, us “regular” people know more about what we want, what needs to happen and what the “real world” is really about than any of these preposterous suits ever have and ever will.

The Begger

So I pulled in to the Quick Trip for some gas – I noticed a fella sadly walking around hauling a gas can. Now, typically I feel for this sort of situation, however in our current economic climate, I sometimes feel like I should be the jerk toting the gas can.

My usual response is to silently pray for a fellow in these certain ‘distresses’. So, I did, and seamlessly avoided contact.

I parked, swiped my card and proceeded to pump fuel into my tank. I pulled out what I thought was a buck or two in change from the truck and headed to the convenience part of the store to pick up a couple lotto tickets (remember, the economic climate – what better to spend your last surviving dollars than on than a couple lottery tickets?). While at the register I noticed the “begging” gentleman standing next to me offering a few collected bucks to the cashier - and as I stood there looking at the meager value in my palm, I realized that it wasn’t even enough to compensate a single lottery ticket. I looked at the guy, he looked at me, I offered my change to him and he shrugged an apparent “yeah” shrug, so I laid it on the counter.

I walked back to my truck feeling a bit better about myself knowing that I gave that “needy” dude the last 80 cents hard cash I had. While finishing my gas pump I noticed him approaching me, and then the inevitable; something about “I need this to do that” or “I gotta get a mile or two away” or whatever. I enlightened him to my financial status, and when he found out he had squeezed the “last” out of me, he shrugged and said, “Alright.” . . . I wanted to say, “Hey, don’t mention it, I know you’re not planning a trip to Tahiti, but remember, I did give you something – thanks for your gratitude.”

But I realized a couple things, in today’s socio-condition, it isn’t “him” that needs the explanation, its “us”, it’s always us. We are now under the most extreme pressure to explain our apparent perverse nature to take care of what WE want to, while neglecting the free-loader. And more importantly, I realized that all these thoughts were inadequate and wasteful, and tried to remember what Jesus would do . . . since I’ll never be able to offer anyone what He could, I’ll probably continue simply praying for the “needy” that cross my path – they seem to appreciate it more (in their silence).

Plumb on MO FO

Baraaak once again putting his foot in (your ass) his mouth. "I want to spread the wealth around" - basically giving a check to a third of the NON-WORKERS in this country, as part of his "95% of the public will receive a tax-break", which basically means 5% of you are going to receive a tax hike right up your cake-hole. Here's a fun piece, on this piece . . .

http://www.breitbart.tv/?p=195133

WHAT A SMUG BUTTHOLE.

OBAMA, OBAMA, OBAMA . . .

Once again you’ve done it. You’re a real piece of . . . work. What happened today???? Hhhmm, oh, well Palin is a pig, Biden (your running mate) thinks Hillary would make a great president and a better vice president than him, you’re bent because the conservatives “stole” your change idea . . . seriously, you’ve become absurd.
At first I assumed you were a typical liberal politician with a silver tongue and a sweet sprinkle of terror aimed at our home land. I thought your (then) opponent (Billary) was just another power-hungry SOB yearning for the influence and spotlight that the White House offers . . . turns out I was right – about Hillary. But you Obama, you’re different than I imagine considered, you aren’t quite as eloquent as I presumed you were. Take that teleprompter away and GW looks like a motivational speaker compared to you. Your UMMS and AHHES are inspired. You’re also not as attractive as I think we all thought you were – or as you thought you were. You look upset, like a school girl who lost her turn. Your comments on how Americans aren’t “stupid” and want someone who “has been talking change from the beginning, not just bringing it up now, you can’t just bring it up now” . . . wow. Let me get you a tissue.
Your friends are great (as usual) too. Here is what Tennessee Representative Steve Cohen said today, “If you want change, you want the Democratic Party,” Cohen said. “Barack Obama was a community organizer like Jesus, who our minister prayed about. Pontius Pilate was a governor.” Soooo, that means Palin is like Pilate . . . . HEY, THERE NAME IS ALMOST THE SAME TOO! The audacity of her!
Let’s all take a deep breath and consider how this country’s media would regard Palin if she were a liberal???? *** I can see it now, “Meager soccer mom takes on corporate big business and cuts costs. Eliminates oil fortunes for the fat cats and lines the little guy’s pockets. No career politician, no, she is down on the front lines rolling up her sleeves and making a difference. From a paltry upbringing, she strong-arms the corporate bullies. Courageously raising her family, including a special-needs child, she is nothing short of sainthood. She even makes their sandwiches on occasion.” *** unfortunately, they won’t spin it that way, they’ve already offered adulteress allegations and are making “lack of experience” a focal point . . . seriously Obama – isn’t that calling the kettle black?
With the media in your back pocket (look at how they shielded your pal Johnny Edwards’ affair for a whole year, after it finally leaked, then went out after ONE DAY and (falsely) claimed Palin had an affair) you have every advantage. If you don’t win this election, you truly are embarrassing.

Ed (& Eric) the Iron Man (Men)

I must show love to Ed baker – he’s the editor of our paper . . . the paper that will be taking over the world soon . . . when everyone realizes that the New York Post, Gazette, Times and Tribune are all full of shite, they’ll turn to the real news source . . . College Times.
Well, we’re a pretty damned good entertainment guide for the Phoenix area at least . . . anyhoo, Baker is running the Phoenix triathlon later this year. I don’t know the exact specs, but I think triathlons (3 activities – running, biking & swimming) go for about 732 miles running, 198 swimming and 1,487 biking . . . dude, its freaking insane. My main point is, I go to the gym (obviously by my 13-pack) but hate cardio. I used to jog before I lifted (big deal), but wasn’t really getting a lot out of it . . . so I thought I would give swimming a try. Sirs & Ma’ams . . . swimming kicks you’re a$$! I go non-stop (after a workout) approx 25 meters, and I’m housed. Its awesome . . . less than 10 minutes and my cardio is done . . .
. . . so I tip my hat to Baker for training and committing to swim a thousand miles this November (or whenever the lunacy is).
Oh yeah – our graphic designer Eric J is also doing it, but he’s done it before and is like a robot with his diet and training, so I bet it’s gonna be super easy for him!

Cross Walk (ASU)

ASU CROSS WALKS RULE!

When did I miss the widespread email on cross walking etiquette? Apparently it is NOT fashionable to hurry, scuse me, rather walk at a normal pace to cross the street. I think you're supposed to walk as fast as you can until you get to the street, then screech to a pimp-like stroll. But make sure that you have the “I don’t give a f*ck” look on your face. What's better, is you’ll never be left out – this works for both boys and girls, black, white, yellow, pink – you name it. If you’re a female, you’ll totally look like you’re ‘the sh*t’. No one can tell YOU what to do, you’re above all, and walking slow through the intersection is your way of pissing on the public, especially those a**holes waiting to make a right turn. You actually look MORE attractive when you show no consideration for anyone waiting for you to make your way. If you’re male, its even better . . . you’re the toughest thing since Amber’s meat loaf. Throw in a bit of a “pimp-limp”, and no one will mess with you – you might as well be Rampage Jackson. Be sure to hold on to your backpack straps with your thumbs, this will keep your momentum low, thus ensuring you don’t accidentally speed up . . . it is also great posture and body language that tells the person in the car with a job, “Hey punk b*tch, I gotsta get to class foo. Dis walkin sh*t aint no joke. Don’t look my wizzay neetha.” It’d be great if you could mix in earphones . . . the real big earphones, like you just left the studio after laying down the phat track, “Slow Walkin Mutha F*ckas is Hardcore. This will add to your groovy appeal.

Apparently we are having a love affair with Senator Obama . . . I'm just wondering why? What has he done for anything? I mean, the fella puts his foot in his mouth more than anyone I've ever heard . . . AND HE'S SUPPOSEDLY A BLESSED SPEAKER . . . I guess if you like "umm, uhh, I unequivocally have said, umm, uhh" . . . yeah, real eloquent. C'mon, I'm more articulate than he is – and that’s embarrassing – just cause you use a lot of big words doesn’t mean you’re saying anything.
I guess I’m just wondering why we like him? I mean, aren’t there any other candidates? Pop chimed – “these are the best (two) hairballs they could cough up”, this was when Billary was still involved. Pretty funny, but sadly true . . . however its not like either side is pristine or without fault, error or missing a huge leadership element. But back to Barack, I’ve essentially covered his career thus far – nothing – but what about the things he is saying? Cause remember, he’s mesmerizing . . . didn’t he mention a Biblical philosophy around seven times during the “debate-forum-thingy” at Saddleback Church regarding “treating the least of my brothers” or how we treat the “least” or less fortunate is somehow a reflection on our character, and to help achieve Godlike qualities, this is a tremendous characteristic (according to him) . . . DIDN’T WE JUST FIND OUT HE HAS A HALF-BRO WHO SAID THE LAST TIME THEY MET (in 2006) IT WAS LIKE MEETING A PERFECT STRANGER??? George Hussein Osamabama-bobama-fee-fi-fo-fama is living off $1 a month . . . saaaaweet. Way to “hook a brotha up” – literally.

All I’m sayin is . . . I don’t need a dude like that to raise my taxes to feed a system that is broken, to support programs I don’t believe in anyway, to be completely weak on defense and to talk down to me all the time like I’m an idiot . . . my wife can do that (I mean the taxes part)!!!

He is gonna announce his running mate tomorrow . . . maybe it’ll be Ludacris . . . did anyone hear this song? Where he says that McCain should be in a wheelchair, abd that Hillary is a beeeeeeatch (true-dat homie) and goes on about how the White House is getting’ painted blizzack . . . listen, I would love to have a black President, in fact, someone I would vote for right now is Michael Steele (ex Lieutenant Governor of Maryland). But I’m not gonna vote for someone cause they’re black, or cause they’re white . . . maybe if they’re HOT!

The Weekly "WHAT THE" . . .

What’s the deal with people driving in the left lane on our freeways? It seems like every other car traveling on the highways out here have forgotten the golden rule of courtesies . . . well, here’s a little reminder, they go a little something like this: (a) DON’T LITTER, and (b) SLOWER TRAFFIC MOVE RIGHT. That’s pretty much it. Oh yeah, don’t drive in reverse.

I mean c’mon, it’s the oldest decree regarding driving on the highway system. I guess I’m not sure what travels through their mind as they cruise at 63, while traffic in the middle lane alternates from 62 to 67, thus trapping me in a never-ending frogger game in the left lane. They see the 78 cars in their rear-view-mirror??? Is it not common-knowledge that if you strip the passing lane of its intended purpose, you clog the entire structure? The freeway movement organism is the largest chain-reaction on earth . . . look at how long it takes the 4th car in a line at the red light to finally move once the light has turned green . . . forever – theoretically, everyone should move at the same time! If “guy” in car 1 moved immediately, as did “guy” in car 2, car 3 and so on, everyone would progress immediately. That is obviously an inspired goal, but you see my point . . . the traffic chain-reaction can take on the size of the container – whether you’re a couple cars at a red light, or a boatload of traffic rumbling down the freeway getting funneled by some yahoo going too slow in the passing lane.

I’m not advocating speeding, but ya know what, if I’m progressing at 120 mph, and someone rolls up on my arse-end, I scoot.

The Weekly "WHAT THE?" . . .

I’m going to try my best to be diligent and start a pretty random blurt coined the “WEEKLY WHAT THE?”

The WWT will be an observation that I had and decided to share. Can you feel the privilege radiating from your computer screen now? Just wait . . . you’re about to witness the first . . . WEEKLY WHAT THE???

January 28, 2008
WHAT THE?? You want to know something . . . for as long as I can remember, I’ve been aware that smoking is bad for you. Even when I used to pull almost a pack of sweet Newports a day, I still knew it was bad for me. No smoker is going to dispute that smoking might actually be progressing their health (rather regressing), and if they are, they’re in complete denial. Now just cause I “don’t smoke anymore” (unless Steve’s nearby), I don’t feel the need many 'righteous' do to arrogantly plug my nose or fake cough whenever I see someone light up . . . it’s their privilege – you’re not going to go tell some heifer to drop the Whopper are you? Whats the diff? OK OK, here’s my point – smoking is bad for you . . . so why is it, from my "expert observation", that the highest percentage of smokers in one vocation come from the medical field? Have you EVER driven by a hospital, emergency room or urgent care facility and NOT seen a nurse outside cranking a Marlborough into her pipe (sorry to say “her”, but seriously, it’s usually a dame out there). Every time I pass a medical joint I see Martha lightin up a Kool in her purple scrub-a-dubs. Ahhe sweet. Just an interesting reflection . . .

Rivers vs Manning (Eli)

Guess I'm rooting for the G-Men . . . at least they are repping the NFC East . . . what I can say is, I will be in anyone's corner that will knock that cute little smirk off Phillip's face. Wow, he sure is a tuff-guy. Paaallleeeeeeeeeease!!!!!! Hopefully he'll be in there long enough for Harrison to get roided up and pop in on a blitz. Apparently he has a tear in his tampon, I mean ACL. Speaking of roids, I think Merriman is 100%. Can't wait to see his saweet WWFesque dancing ability when the "super" Chargers are silenced. I'm no Patriots fan, but seriously, is there anyone likable on San Diego? I think the only reason LT gets a little whiny occasionally is cause he's surrounded by big-name imbeciles.

the Familia

Coming up on our first weekend with just the 3 of us. I’m not sure what we are going to do with ourselves? Maybe Amber will finally get around to cleaning the house . . . I mean, while she’s lounging between working fulltime and raising a stud-muffin. It sure was fun visiting with everyone. It was pretty tight here for a bit, Ma & Pop came up for New Years while Beaver & Lori were here, but we wouldn’t have had it any other way. Did my share of golfing, and ended up working in the backyard . . . Steve is a slave driver. He did most of the hard work, I was able to fill in where needed. We’re now getting approached by Design To Sell: Thimble Sized Yard Edition. I’m pretty much the bald version of Ty Pennington. Below is Steve (Beaver) NOT giving me a break.



My Poppa always said, “guests are like fish . . .”

ENUFF A'REDDY

I’m SO done with people congratulating athletes for performing into their 30s. Seriously? The latest is Brett Favre. I get it, you’re old(er). It would be one thing if you had a real job and had to fit being “fit” in . . . where you felt the same average stresses regular people feel. Maybe we don’t take the hits you do . . . BUT YOU EXERCISE FOR A LIVING!!! We wouldn’t congratulate a 90-year-old for being a shoe salesman? Why are we so pumped on “you” for playing football? Your life revolves around training, therefore your body has become the supreme template for your particular activity . . . you don’t see a novice busting a triathlon? Listen, I get that youth helps muscle alertness, recovery and ECT, but the freakin guy is 38 . . . palease. And what ever happened to “man-strength”? Shouldn’t he be tougher than everyone else on the field anyway? Cause he has man-strength?

I’m gonna be 30 in less than 6 months . . .